Timing is everything
Heather and I are trying to be open with our children when they have honest questions about the nature of the world and their own bodies.
This has meant that each of the girls gets a reasonable overview of sex at around 7-8 years old. They ask enough questions that we decide that it's time to unravel the mystery that a significant portion of the world is steeped in.
Phoebe enjoys watching sitcom style shows. Left to her own devices she would gravitate to the terribly written Disney tween sitcoms so we try to include her in moderately innocuous adult style sitcoms like 30 rock and recently the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt show.
One of the episodes of Kimmy Schmidt has a character in a relationship with a closeted gay man.
Phoebe: "What is gay?"
Dad: "Most boys like girls and want to marry them. Most girls like boys and want to marry them. Some boys like boys instead and some girls like girls instead. Being gay is when a boy likes a boy and wants to marry him or a girl likes a girl and wants to marry her."
Phoebe: "Are you gay?"
Dad: "No, I married mommy and love mommy. I don't think boys are as pretty as girls so I'm not gay."
Phoebe: "Are you gay mom?"
Mom: "No I like boys."
Phoebe: "Am I gay?"
Mom: "Probably not but you're not really old enough to know one way or the other." (Here's where mom slipped up) "Since gay also involved some of what we talked about when we talked about sex you're not old enough."
Dad: "Most likely you're not, but if you are gay and want to marry girls instead of boys you'll definitely know it."
Phoebe: "Wait, sex?!?!"
(At this point we were off to the races)
Phoebe: "How do boys that are gay have sex?!"
Phoebe: "How do girls that are gay have sex?!"
(At this point Heather realizes that we've crossed the streams at some point and our attempt to get the ghost into the containment field was overzealous.)
Dad: "There are some parts of sex that you are definitely not old enough for us to talk about. We'll get more detailed as you get older but for right now it's not important, just think about it as who they would like to marry."
Phoebe: "Wait, do the boys just slap their penises together?!?!?"
(At this point Heather and I couldn't contain ourselves and started cracking up)
Dad: "We'll answer all of your questions as you get older. For now you don't need to worry about it."
(A little hug and a reassurance and there we go.)
I'm sure I'll be getting some phone calls this coming week due to Phoebe's constant curiosity and her extremely chatty nature. You're welcome parents of Phoebe's friends. I am however glad that she was able to ask this question to her parents. I can't keep her from asking questions but every time she is exposed to something new and needs to ask about it I'm glad she can feel comfortable asking her parents, even if the moment might be a little embarrassing in a decade.
This has meant that each of the girls gets a reasonable overview of sex at around 7-8 years old. They ask enough questions that we decide that it's time to unravel the mystery that a significant portion of the world is steeped in.
Phoebe enjoys watching sitcom style shows. Left to her own devices she would gravitate to the terribly written Disney tween sitcoms so we try to include her in moderately innocuous adult style sitcoms like 30 rock and recently the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt show.
One of the episodes of Kimmy Schmidt has a character in a relationship with a closeted gay man.
Phoebe: "What is gay?"
Dad: "Most boys like girls and want to marry them. Most girls like boys and want to marry them. Some boys like boys instead and some girls like girls instead. Being gay is when a boy likes a boy and wants to marry him or a girl likes a girl and wants to marry her."
Phoebe: "Are you gay?"
Dad: "No, I married mommy and love mommy. I don't think boys are as pretty as girls so I'm not gay."
Phoebe: "Are you gay mom?"
Mom: "No I like boys."
Phoebe: "Am I gay?"
Mom: "Probably not but you're not really old enough to know one way or the other." (Here's where mom slipped up) "Since gay also involved some of what we talked about when we talked about sex you're not old enough."
Dad: "Most likely you're not, but if you are gay and want to marry girls instead of boys you'll definitely know it."
Phoebe: "Wait, sex?!?!"
(At this point we were off to the races)
Phoebe: "How do boys that are gay have sex?!"
Phoebe: "How do girls that are gay have sex?!"
(At this point Heather realizes that we've crossed the streams at some point and our attempt to get the ghost into the containment field was overzealous.)
Dad: "There are some parts of sex that you are definitely not old enough for us to talk about. We'll get more detailed as you get older but for right now it's not important, just think about it as who they would like to marry."
Phoebe: "Wait, do the boys just slap their penises together?!?!?"
(At this point Heather and I couldn't contain ourselves and started cracking up)
Dad: "We'll answer all of your questions as you get older. For now you don't need to worry about it."
(A little hug and a reassurance and there we go.)
I'm sure I'll be getting some phone calls this coming week due to Phoebe's constant curiosity and her extremely chatty nature. You're welcome parents of Phoebe's friends. I am however glad that she was able to ask this question to her parents. I can't keep her from asking questions but every time she is exposed to something new and needs to ask about it I'm glad she can feel comfortable asking her parents, even if the moment might be a little embarrassing in a decade.
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